Rulebook
As any competition requires rules for guidance so does Manhood. With the big egos, large prizes, and eternal bragging rights on the line, a common understanding of scoring and allowable activities is a must. Those rules shall be instituted only for the overall improvement of the event. They may conflict with sport rules, they may increase subjectivity, they may evoke conflict (maybe should), but they should always be informed by the overall purpose and spirit of Manhood, Camaraderie first.
1. General
1.1. Golden Rule - It is Vern Mulligan's Manhood Challenge; my name is on the shirt, (or used to be) not yours. I make the rules and can change them anytime I damn well please. If you don’t like it, plan your own event, make your own shirt, and stop coming.
1.2. Attendees
1.2.1. Invitation Only – All attendees must receive official invitations from Vern himself. Any offers from parties other than Vern are considered preliminary and represent only an invitation to apply (See Section 1.2.3).
1.2.2. No women allowed – Women are specifically excluded from this event with two exceptions.
1.2.2.1. Mothers – Specifically my mother is always welcome. Should your mother wish to come watch, cook for us, clean up after us, kiss your boo-boo, it doesn’t matter she is your mom, her love is unconditional and the stupid shit you are going to do this weekend will come as no surprise to her, and thus she is welcome.
1.2.2.2. Dancers – Women have traditionally been part of the entertainment and your wife, your sister, god forbid your daughter are welcome to join us for the weekend if they are willing and capable of providing said entertainment. An application will be required along with written consent to ogling, drooling, hooting, and objectifying comments.
1.2.3. Applications Only – No new member shall be admitted without first submitting an application for consideration. Public review and comment of the applicant will advise the final decision that is Vern’s and Vern’s only. Over-ride of the decision is only possible by majority of the Application Review Committee (ARC). The ARC is defined specifically for each event.
1.2.3.1. Each applicant must be sponsored by a current attendee, in good standing. Said sponsor must have attended at least 2 previous events, and may only sponsor one athlete per year.
1.2.3.2. All applications will be posted to the message boards and subjected to a collective review and comment period by the entire group.
1.2.3.3. Final acceptance is subject to an indication of attendance by non FNGs, to ensure the group picture isn’t dominated by Pink Polo shirts.
1.2.3.4. Upon acceptance of an applicant an invitation shall remain valid for no more than 18 months, and only if the original sponsor is in attendance and formally restates his support. Otherwise a new application will be required.
1.2.4. FNG – During their entire first season all accepted applicants are required to wear a pink polo shirt clearly labeled with the letters FNG (Fucking New Guy) as provided by the tournament director. The shirt may be removed for sleeping and cleaned if so desired, but must be worn for all events and public appearances. If you spill beer on it, sweat profusely in it, even puke on it that is your problem and you keep wearing it.
1.2.4.1. Hazing Not allowed – This event is about brotherhood and camaraderie and any level of bullying abusing or cliquish behavior is unacceptable. No person shall request favors or services, based on seniority. “Get me a beer newbie” is unacceptable and may be met with negative Discretionary Points (DP) as outlined in section 1.4.2
1.2.4.2. General man-bashing required - Abuse of each other is absolutely expected throughout the group, it is however expected to be distributed somewhat equally and never directed at a person for "status" at the event. In short if the guy is an asshole abuse the shit out of him, no matter the color shirt either of you is wearing.
1.3. Early Arrivals - While the event officially begins at sundown, flights will not always align. Anyone arriving prior to noon on draft day shall have no expectation of a ride, a meal, a drink or really any hospitality. This is work time/prep time and permission to arrive early is required or you are completely on your own until prep team (Vern/Roz/Pops/Prep. Assistants) is in the mood to deal with you.
1.3. Teams
1.3.1. – All events at Manhood require a partner or team. All teams will be defined prior to the first competition and traditionally by means of draft or auction during Opening Ceremonies. The final format is dependent on group size and will be announced during Opening Ceremonies.
1.3.2. No two athletes shall be paired together for more than one (1) sport at any given event, this is to help ensure a greater sense of group while embracing our diversity, as well as preventing a tie atop the final rankings for two players playing every event together. Exceptions may be made when the group is too small or drafts leave odd pairings at the end.
1.3.3. Members may not collude in an attempt to build favorable teams. Offering reward, money, VernBucks®, etc to entice a person to draft you is not allowed. Any such collusion will be met with negative DP and forced assignment of alternate teams.
1.4. Scoring
1.4.1. Specific points are allocated for each event handed out based on finish place. The winning team of each event will be awarded 50 points, while second 40 and so on, this reduction of value varies by sport, and group size. In the event of a tie both teams shall be awarded the average of the points for that place and the place below.
1.4.2. Discretionary Points – Bonus points will be awarded solely at the discretion of Vern and will be used to award humorous or helpful behavior. These points are crucial to the ongoing success of the event and will be used liberally to discourage unreasonable competition. In general these point values are arbitrary and only partly intended to reflect the value of the act to the group.
1.4.2.1. Sport – Sport based points are pre-defined points awarded for Best Game, Long Drive, Homerun King, etc. and are used to further separate individuals within winning teams, and allow handicapped individuals significant opportunity for gain.
1.4.2.2. Non-Sport – Intended to prevent excessive competition, disguise the eventual winner, and encourage/discourage specific behavior.
1.5. Sleeping quarters - Space at the house has become more valuable and rules dictating its use have been developed to ensure both comfort for many and a manageable house for my mother, who still has to get up and clean for us.
1.5.1. First to arrive – Space is allocated entirely on a first come first served basis. Previous year’s attendance, continuous use, and physical size and strength are not factors to be considered. Quite simply arrive early, mark your space, and lay out your bed.
1.5.2. Snoring Room – The loft over the kitchen, immediately behind the Eagle has been reserved for snorers. It is presumed this group of men sleeps more soundly and will not be bothered by the noise or late night poker and early risers for breakfast
1.5.3. Champions Room– The downstairs bedroom is the only private space in the house and was renamed from the "Frick Room" to the "Champions Room" after the 2012 campaign. The defending champion, if in attendance, is entitled to this space. While he can forego this privilege, he can not transfer his right. Should the defending champion not be in attendance the room is automatically reverted to first come first served status. Should the champ be in attendance and not wish to take advantage of this honor, he must announce this intent prior to the first persons arrival to ensure a fair fight.
1.5.4. Outdoor space – Front Yard, Side yard to the north, are available, while the Back yard is off limits. The field of play extends beyond the trees in right field and up to the house in left and unless moved daily, should not be used for sleeping. Any space or vehicle off the lawn area can be used.
1.5.5. Sleeping In – There is no obligation or expectation of silence in the morning and thus sleeping in is based on your ability to sleep through it. Your moronic choice to sleep in the living room is your own problem. It is generally frowned up as Roz is more considerate and feels bad when she rises early to make breakfast for us all.
1.6. Smoking - While a vile and disgusting habit, part of Manhood is embracing those habits, but there are still rules about how, when and where.
1.6.1. Outside - Smoking is NEVER permitted inside of the house or any official vehicle. Efforts should be made to stay away from open windows and doorways throughout the event.
1.6.2. Ashtrays - Ashtrays are provided throughout the exterior of the home. Due to the extremely dry environment, no butts nor lit cigarettes shall ever be dropped on the ground, no matter how lush it appears. Pops will kick your ass if you are caught.
1.6.3. Illegals - With or without prescriptions Marijuana is still not legal in the United States any participant choosing to partake should do so in the most discrete fashion possible. (revised 2019 - this is getting tougher, Oregon law now permits possession of some substances, Federal law prohibits it. I am by no means a legal scholar, but believe the constitution is pretty clear that Oregon can't do this) Don't be an idiot.
1.7. Bathrooms
1.7.1. There are two bathrooms in the house and both are available for use at any time. No locks exist within the Smith house and thus some caution is advised upon entry.
1.7.2. The surrounding acreage is very dry and can absolutely benefit from additional watering. People are encouraged to use trees and shrubs away from the field of play. Relief should NEVER be taken in the grass.
1.7.3 Portable toilets are made available at times and may also be utilized
1.8. Money – To insure sufficient funding is available to enable this great event each year, personal contributions are required by each participant. Until Vern wins the lottery, finds an Event Sponsor, or becomes independently wealthy this will remain true.
1.8.1. A payment schedule has been devised to help motivate people.
1.8.1.1. Advanced Pricing - Save $25 ($250 up to 30 days out)
1.8.1.2. Standard Pricing - Full price ($275 up to 14 days out)
1.8.1.3. Those not paid 14 days in advance will not be admitted to the event. If you don’t have a paypal or check book you better find a friend to cover you.
1.8.2. Refunds will not be granted if you flake you lose the fee.
1.8.2.1. Total payment will be refunded for any cancelation more than 30 days out
1.8.2.2. Valid excuses (medical emergency, death in the family) will be refunded in full
1.8.2.3. Crap excuses (determined by Vern for all withdrawals less than 30 days out) risk forfeiture of funds
1.8.2.3.1. up to the 14 day mark will carry over to the following year in full
1.8.2.3.2. Up to 7 days out will carry over 50% to the following year.
1.8.2.3.3. In the final week will forfeit 100%.
1.8.2.4. Should an athlete fail or choose not to attend the following year, all carry over funds will be forfeited
1.8.2.5. All forfeitures will be added to the general fund
1.8.3. Pricing subject to change each year. However the 90 day announcement would include that full pricing change.
1.8.4. Sponsorship is completely acceptable and no athlete will ever been turned away for inability to pay.
1.8.4.1. Named sponsorship shall be paid through normal channels clearly identifying the Sponsored athlete(s).
1.8.4.1.1. Payer may remain anonymous at the discretion of the payer.
1.8.4.2. Endowments are accepted at any time and funds will be distributed as the Sponsorship Committee deems fit. Funding of endowments does not automatically gain a seat on the Sponsorship committee.
2. Wiffle
2.1. Teams- The use of 2 man teams is strictly prohibited and every effort shall be made to ensure that an individual does not bat every other AB. 3 man teams are the preferred alignment, but 4 man or combined teams may be used if attendee count isn’t sufficient to form 3 man teams
2.2. Positions
2.2.1. Pitcher – Pitchers are required to pitch from the “mound” starting their delivery from the rear portion. Leaving the mound from the front is only allowed with special exceptions. Side arm pitching may carry a pitcher to either side of the mound, though release is required prior to leaving the mound with driving foot. Pitching underhand (by wager or Verndoza line) is defined as an open hand soft toss, though high arch is allowed.
2.2.2. Outfielder-outfield is permitted to start in any location on the field, though this placement will have a direct impact on scoring of hits, as doubles and triples are assessed in relation the outfielder. (2.62.6)
2.2.3. Deck-Fielder – The 3 athlete is permitted to sit anywhere, including chairs, on the deck as long as the feet do not touch the grass. The player must remain seated during play and failure to do so will result in either a hit by invalid catch or an automatic double from interference. The ball must only have possibly (not certainly) struck the house and is determined solely at the discretion of the umpire.
2.3. Innings - All games shall be a minimum of three innings during all rounds of play and each inning made up of 6 outs, 3 for each team. Games shall never end in a tie and extra innings played until a winner is decided.
2.4. Mercy Ruling - Teams are not permitted to quit at any time in qualifying games as runs scored and run differential are used as tie breakers. Semi-Final and finals games may only be forfeited if 10 or more runs separate the teams. This is not a run rule or mercy situation, it is only an opportunity to quit, without significant ridicule and banishment from Manhood.
2.5. Equipment
2.5.1. No Broken, chipped, torn, soft, or taped balls may be used
2.5.2. Only official Wiffle balls with elongated holes on one side
2.5.3. Bats must be official Wiffle ball bats and may not be taped or weighted in anyway
2.5.3.1. I’mNotYourWalkBoy – Special bats (Moonshot Bats) have been provided at certain events and shall remain in play as long as it is deemed to enhance all players’ abilities. Vern is final arbiter and any new bat must be approved prior to inclusion.
2.5.3.2. No personal bats- All players must have the same equipment available at all times and thus personal bats are never allowed.
2.6. Scoring
2.6.1. Hits
2.6.1.1. Single - A single shall automatically place the batter at 1st base and advance any respective runners by one (1) base only if forced.
2.6.1.1.1. Any ground-ball hit passed the pitcher in fair territory
2.6.1.1.2. Though technically an ERROR any groundball ball not handled cleanly can be ruled a hit at the discretion of the umpire based on the severity of mishandle, it is the intent to simulate baseball play and if the player has the ability to continue and "make a play" it shall be considered an out.
2.6.1.1.3. Any ground ball that comes to rest before passing or being played by the pitcher shall be deemed a foul ball and NOT a single, unless it is forced to rest by striking the deck or a person
2.6.1.1.4. Any fly-ball that passes the pitcher uncaught shall be ruled a single unless it also passes the Outfielder on the fly.
2.6.1.2. Double
2.6.1.2.1. A double shall place the batter on 2nd base and advance any respective runners by force only.
2.6.1.2.2. Any ground ball that gets passed the Outfielder
2.6.1.2.3. Any ball that strikes the horizontal logs, or kitchen window, of the first story of the house on the fly in fair territory
2.6.1.2.4. Any ball that lands on the porch roof in fair territory, fascia is not considered the roof and thus only represents a single
2.6.1.3. Triple
2.6.1.3.1. A triple shall place the batter on 3rd base and advance any respective runners by force only.
2.6.1.3.2. Any fly ball that lands over the head of the outfielder, including mishandled balls where ever he is when playing the ball
2.6.1.3.3. Any ball that strikes the face of the second story, including the second story fascia
2.6.1.4. Homerun
2.6.1.4.1. Any ball that clears the "fence" on the fly,
2.6.1.4.2. Any ball that lands on or clears the second story roof
2.6.1.4.3. Any ball that lands on or clears the upper "hot tub" deck
2.6.1.4.4. Fielders must not step out of the field of play before playing the ball, while impressive, catching a homerun by running into the dirt does not constitute an out.
2.6.2. “Runners” - Runners are imaginary and players are not expected to run the bases. Runners advance only the minimum bases as pushed by the runner behind them. I.e. A runner on third will only score when on a triple or homerun, unless a runner on second forces him ahead.
2.6.3. No Walk - No runs shall be walked in – Only a ball put into play by the batter can score a run.
2.6.3.1. In the event 4 balls are thrown to a batter a base may be taken only if the existing base runners can advance w/out scoring. A base on balls (though frowned upon as unmanly) or self-pitch option may be selected at the discretion of the batter
2.6.3.2. Self-Pitch - If base is not available or the batter chooses, the remaining strikes can be thrown by a teammate from any place on the field, underhand, overhand, soft toss. Any ball thrown is considered a strike and treated accordingly (fouling off 3rd strike does not prolong the at bat during self pitch).
2.6.3.3. The Defensive Pitcher must start his defensive position with at least one foot on the back of the mound and must not leave the mound until the ball is released by the “Pitcher”
2.6.4. Outs
2.6.4.1. Scored when a ground ball is played cleanly in front of the pitcher
2.6.4.2. Any fly ball caught by any defensive member of the team
2.6.4.3. Any ball hit into a tree is considered live and can be played by either team, “caught” defensively or knocked free and to the ground offensively all players from both teams are free to use any reasonable means to achieve their favored outcome. No person shall be struck with a bat, but other uses are permitted.
2.6.4.4. The Deck Fielder must remain seated (except to play tree balls) or it is considered interference and a double shall be awarded
2.7. Pitching – Each member of the team is required to pitch at least 3 consecutive outs, and may only be relieved if 4 or more runs have been scored against him.
2.8. Officiating
2.8.1. The home team is responsible for selecting the Umpire and Scorekeeper
2.8.2. The umpire has final ruling, no matter how absurd and even Vern does not have the ability to over-ride such rulings.
2.8.3. The umpire does not have the authority to eject a person for any reason
2.8.4. Providing beverage service, chairs and misting systems for the umpire is encouraged and is likely to alter the strike zone.
2.9. Tournament
2.9.1. Qualifying games shall be played in a round robin tournament, though balance is not required as teams and time may not allow all teams to play each other in the “round robin”
2.9.2. Play-offs – the top four teams will enter seeded semi-final matches pitting the 1st v.4th place teams and the 2nd v. 3rd place teams. With the 1 and 2 teams being the home team. Qualifying will be determined first by victories, then run differential, then, runs scored.
3. Bowling
3.1. Teams – Two man teams shall be determined at auction or appropriate method during the "draft". Should an odd number of athletes attend; a single 3 man team will be allowed.
3.2. Equipment - Any ball or balls may be played regardless of weight, color, or balance as long as they are provided by the bowling alley. No personal bowling ball shall be played, in fact, it's unacceptable that you even own a ball.
3.3. Scoring - The average score of 6 games (including combination games) played by 2 players share determine the overall placing in bowling
3.3.1. Each frame of the opening game shall be closed by the respective teammate including the 10th, unless a strike is bowled. At which point. You may close your entire 10th. The team with the best average Combo games score shall be awarded 10 bonus points. (Consider revising and make this and individual award)
3.3.2. The individual with the highest single game score shall receive a 5 point bonus
3.3.3. Any player that does not finish 3 games shall be awarded the score of the game in progress as though complete and receive a ZERO for games not yet started.
3.4. Special Circumstances - At this time no special rules apply, though ball size limits and alternate hand usage have been played in past events.
4. Golf
4.1. Teams - Two man teams shall be determined at auction or appropriate method during the "draft". Should an odd number of athletes attend; a single 3 man team will be allowed.
4.2. Equipment - Only approved USGA equipment may be used, and range balls may not be played. There is no limit on the number of clubs carried, nor the sharing of clubs.
4.3. Scoring - Two man teams play a scramble format, where the better shot is chosen and partners dropping at that location for each shot of the round. At least one (1) drive must be recorded during the round for each player (par 3s count as drive). And the total score is awarded based on the team. Golf is a game of honor and a full accounting of strokes and penalties is expected, gimmes are strictly prohibited. Scorecards must be presented and include all scores within your 4some, thus two versions of your score presented each time or a last place will be awarded .
4.3.1. Timed Hole - One hole will be designated a Timed Hole and shall be played alternate shot as fast as possible.
4.3.1.1. Strokes are awarded based on time. The fastest team receives an eagle, then bird, then par (maybe 2), etc.
4.3.1.2. Drops shall be taken, by the alternate player within traditional OB rules. and a 15 second penalty will be assessed
4.3.1.3. Both teams shall tee off simultaneously and a single time stopwatch started.
4.3.1.4. Staging partners in the fairway is advised and carts may not be shared between teams.
4.3.2. KP - Two holes will be designated as closest to the pin and balls must be on the green to qualify. 5 bonus points will be awarded for each.
4.3.3. Long Drive - One hole will be designated for long drive and any playable ball is credited (Fairway lie is not required). Mulligans can be played on this hole but do NOT qualify for long drive points. 10 bonus points will be awarded to the individual with the longest drive.
4.3.4 Single Club - One hole will be designated
4.3.4. Special Circumstances - Two mulligans are available for each team (3 man teams only get 2 mulligans). Those mulligans may only be used for tee shots and may be used by any player in the group at any time.
5. Cornhole
5.1. Teams - Two man teams will be formed during a draft, and like all sports are not allowed to include athletes previously paired together.
5.2. Boards are placed 27 feet from front edge to front edge.
5.3. Games are played to 21 or more points. (exactly)
5.3.1. If a team scores more than 21 points their score will be reset to 11
5.3.2. If a team reaches 11 before there opponent scores 1, game over skunk
5.3.3. If at anytime a player scores all 4 bags in a single frame, game over.
5.4. Scoring
5.4.1. Woody (1pt) Any bag that remains on the board at the conclusion of the frame.
5.4.2. Cornhole (3pts): Any bag that passes through the hole.
5.4.3. A bag touching the ground AND the board does not count and should be removed/raked
5.5. Play
5.5.1. Cancellation Scoring: The points of one player cancel out the points of their opponent.
5.5.2. Alternate pitching bags until each player has pitched all (4) of their bags.
5.5.3. Players must deliver the bag with an underhanded release.
5.5.4. Feet must stay behind the line of the front of the board at the time of releasing the bag.
5.5.5. The team who scored in the preceding frame pitches first in the next frame, with carry over